fix(pairing): retry identity RPC; pairing set to proven relays only

The 09:44 live scan proved the failure with the new accepted_by trace:
our get_public_key was published and accepted, but Amber's own connect
echo was created one second LATER — Amber's subscription to our client
key opens milliseconds after we publish, so the first identity request is
already in the relays' past when its listener starts (relays never replay
history to a fresh subscription). The signer-side race is structural and
unfixable from our subscription ordering; adopt_identity now retries
get_public_key up to 4x with 3/8/15s backoff (non-timeout errors still
fail fast), so a later attempt lands while the signer is listening.

pairing_relays() narrowed to primal + nos.lol — the only two relays with
proven bidirectional ephemeral-24133 traffic in today's scans. damus.io
503'd reads and silently dropped events; snort persists nothing; user
settings switched to the two proven relays as well.

src/relays.rs

@@ -27,15 +27,18 @@ pub fn default_relays() -> Vec<RelayConfig> {
 ///   connect event is thrown away, so it must never be in the pairing URI.
 /// - wss://relay.nostr.band currently hangs the WebSocket handshake; it is
 ///   also pay-to-read. Dropped from the pairing set.
-/// - wss://nos.lol and wss://relay.snort.social accept ephemeral 24133 and
-///   serve it live (snort does not persist ephemeral kinds, which is fine —
-///   pairing only needs the live push).
+/// - wss://nos.lol and wss://relay.primal.net are the two relays with
+///   PROVEN bidirectional ephemeral-24133 traffic in the live Sep 23 scans
+///   (both stored Amber's connect reply AND our identity RPC).
+/// - wss://relay.damus.io returned HTTP 503 to reads and answered connects
+///   inconsistently during the same scans; while flapping it splits the
+///   conversation across relays the signer never reads.
+/// - wss://relay.snort.social accepts ephemeral 24133 publishes but does
+///   not persist them; with damus out it adds no shared ground.
 pub fn pairing_relays() -> Vec<String> {
     vec![
-        "wss://relay.damus.io".to_string(),
         "wss://relay.primal.net".to_string(),
         "wss://nos.lol".to_string(),
-        "wss://relay.snort.social".to_string(),
     ]
 }
 

src/signer/nip46_client.rs

@@ -1714,10 +1714,42 @@ impl Nip46ClientSigner {
         };
 
         // Learn the REAL signing identity from the signer itself.
-        let identity = self
-            .send_rpc("get_public_key", vec![], REQUEST_TIMEOUT, false)
-            .await
-            .map_err(|e| format!("The signer would not reveal its public key: {e}"))?;
+        //
+        // RETRIED with backoff on timeout. The live Sep 23 scans proved a
+        // structural race on the SIGNER side: our first `get_public_key`
+        // publishes the instant the connect echo is verified, but Amber's
+        // own subscription to our client key opens milliseconds later, so
+        // the request is already in the relays' past when its listener
+        // starts — relays never replay history to a fresh subscription and
+        // the answer never comes. A retry lands while the signer is
+        // listening. Non-timeout failures (refusal, bad payload) still fail
+        // fast.
+        let mut attempt = 0u32;
+        let identity = loop {
+            attempt += 1;
+            match self
+                .send_rpc("get_public_key", vec![], REQUEST_TIMEOUT, false)
+                .await
+            {
+                Ok(identity) => break identity,
+                Err(e) => {
+                    if !matches!(e, SigningError::Timeout) || attempt >= 4 {
+                        return Err(format!("The signer would not reveal its public key: {e}"));
+                    }
+                    if live_relays(&connection.relays) {
+                        pairing_trace(&format!(
+                            "identity attempt {attempt} timed out; retrying get_public_key"
+                        ));
+                    }
+                    tokio::time::sleep(Duration::from_secs(match attempt {
+                        1 => 3,
+                        2 => 8,
+                        _ => 15,
+                    }))
+                    .await;
+                }
+            }
+        };
         let identity = PublicKey::from_hex(identity.trim())
             .map_err(|e| format!("The signer returned an unreadable public key: {e}"))?;
         let identity_npub = identity